April Fools

Published on April 1st, 2017 | by Kimberly Ng

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Ben Segal is demoted from title of Hypest Kid in LA

Ben Segal (‘17), resident “Hypest Kid in LA,” had his title revoked on March 25 after spending a Saturday night in.

Early reports from authorities indicate that there is incriminating video footage of Segal watching two Nicholas Sparks movies from his living room couch while consuming absolutely no intoxicating substances. A private ceremony is planned for Monday to remove Segal’s name from every party’s list for the next two years.

Shockwaves were sent through the community, with many contemplating a world without Segal as Most Hype, including one of Segal’s Summer Break producers who has chosen to remain anonymous due to the circumstances.

“I’m honestly shocked,” the producer said. “Ben was definitely the most hype. Who could ever replace him?”

Pressed for comment, Segal defended his actions but offered a public apology.

“I had a long week and I just wanted to spend one night not being the most hype,” Segal said. “I know I disappointed my friends, family, peers and fans. If you choose to reinstate my position, I hope to work harder in the future.”

Officials have not given any indication of who will replace Segal in the position, though deliberations are expected to be long and tenuous. Some early names thrown around include bringing back Charlie Sheen or giving the position to a teacher, possibly Samo teacher Ryan Hoffman.

Segal has shown no intent to repeat his actions but, if he did, legal action could result in Segal losing his HBO Go password and his access to microwave Stouffer’s lasagna.

“I’m devastated but I can’t say I’m surprised,” Segal said. “This honor should go to someone more deserving, more hardworking and, of course, most hype.”

 


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