Grub Tough – the idea of living life to the fullest while enjoying large amounts of fantastic grub- is their sport, and grubberies are their stadium.
Their legend precedes them the way lightning precedes thunder. Or the way “hopps” precedes soda. Move aside “Dos Equis” man, the self-proclaimed “Founding Fathers” (yes, it sounds like some cool mafia) — seniors Aidan Nathanson, Sam Bruce, Dennis “D-Han” Han and Jake Squier — are the most interesting men in the world, who in result, have created a new playing field in which they dominate the arena.
The magic of the Grub Tough Way of Life (GTWL) blog, economic theory and philosophy all began at the beginning of second semester in Zachary “Coods” Cuda’s fourth period AP Economics class. This is where the four were first united, as they conjured plans for their daily excursions that include, but are not limited to, lunchtime destinations. The founders who maintain the blog (which is followed eagerly by mostly Samo students and has over 7,000 views to date), incorporate vibrantly “grubtastic” photos that compliment the skillfully humorous posts about each day’s “grubventure.” They blog about their hopes of discouraging students from accepting “crappy food” and present options by combing mainly Santa Monica grubberies and discovering the most fire grub. Their fiercest motivation, the Fathers agree, are students who think grimy Papa John’s pizza is actually “daaank!” (utterly delicious.) Such “debaschery!” (How unfortunate!)
“The goal of this blog is not to show us devouring huge amounts of bacon … anyone can do that. Our goals are to … hopefully encourage people to join our grubbing tough lifestyle and to spread the word about as many local grubberies that we deem tough,” Nathanson posted on the GTWL blog.
Sam Adams, Denny Franklin, Aidan Hamilton and Jake “The Treasurer” Squier — as they are known by their blog names — go mighty hard.
“Sometimes I’ll have a PB and J and then I grub tough,” Nathanson admitted, as he sat whittling a piece of wood into a fork for his next Grub Tough expedition.
It’s their grub senses- their innate savage reactions when they’re hungry- that force them to let go of any considerate thinking and become barbarians. Grubbing takes no prisoners.
“At a point in time, we just become savages,” Han said.
A brilliant example being the beastly Bruce who has had many moments when he was given fools the good ol’ PYT. Take poor old senior Max Webster, who was man-handled and thrown aside by Bruce as they hustled for a spot in the Big Joe’s restaurant line. Or even Han, who was desperately grabbed ahold of by Bruce, as Bruce repeatedly slammed the door into Han’s leg almost “100 times with all his force.” Yet the Fathers forgive Bruce. With good reason, GTWL “makes him uncontrollable of his own actions.” By hey, you either have to grub tough or go home– no exceptions.
“The Samohi” sent me to report on and experience Grub Tough for myself. Though usually the Fathers go to more exotic grubberies such as WurstKuche where they grubbed on Rabbit and Rattlesnake sausages, being Friday, we had to pursue “The Slice,” the grubbery where the theory got its starts.
Forgetting to call “shawty” (shotgun), D-Han (the new homie!) and I sat in the back, laughing as Squier drove frivolously, dodging stoop baschs, as he recalled the story of loosing his car keys, getting his car towed and telling the tale of getting yelled at by a “belligerently drunk man” the previous day.
After we got there and picked up our phoned-in orders, I was privileged enough to join the veteran grubbers at the stacked table for the most “baschnian” of lunches. Everyone was jolly and the atmosphere was friendly and relaxed.
Then the Fathers began explaining how they deemed “The Slice” the first ever “GTWL official grubbery” and how they took a picture with the shortest employee “who quickly asked [them] if he could … ‘have a picture with only the ladies.’ ”
The Fathers also informed me of the stoopness of a now excluded member who shall only be known as “ Mr. Blonde Volleyball Man,” who committed click fraud. See every time a reader would click on the ads posted on the GTWL blog page, the Fathers would make money for it. Without consulting the Fathers, “Volleyball Man” thought it would be a good idea to put a program on the GTWL’s blog page ads so that each time someone would click on them, it appeared as if more people had clicked on the ads. This would result in more money for the Fathers. The honest $200 the Fathers made from the ads was revoked by Blogspot, and their spirits crushed by the negligent and tyrannical Volleyball Man. I hope someone gave this fool the good ‘ole PYT!
After participating in the network of conversations across the table, I peered down at my magnificent calculator watch to realize the time was 1:08. Time to dip! “Gracias baschs!” I yelled as we hurried out. Arriving back just in time, I booked it across campus, dodging seagulls, and burst into my fifth period, like a stunner. I sat in class, lost in a glittery trance of how exquisite lunch was and how eating just wouldn’t be the same again. But oh, the money.
It’s no secret that going off campus every day could become costly, but the tough grub is definitely worth it. Take a lesson from Nathanson and Han who both have jobs, or Squier who either seeks bank from Momma Squier, slowly drains his Bar Mitzvah account or uses his summer job earnings.
“At the end of the day, is it grub or money? Grub. We always go with grub over all else,” the Fathers agreed.
No statement could be more true than this, the basis of the GTWL philosophy: “We live to grub and we grub to live.”
With the GTWL blog, every adventure and run-in with blasphemous ankle-in-yogurt-dipping classmates and dumb basch cashiers who don’t know basic math and try to scam the Fathers (so stoop!) could be followed religiously.
With the Founding Fathers and nearly every member including the head expansion consultant Scott Operman — “Big Scott The Biggest Man On Campus” — being seniors, precautionary measures must be taken to ensure the club’s future existence when everyone graduates and moves on to tackle larger scale grubbing. The only solution, the Fathers agree, is finding “2012 ‘Step-Fathers’ to help carry on the name of Grub.” GTWL has even expanded to colleges. The first of the series? UCSD (grubtoughucsd.blogspot.com).
Moral of the story: not just anyone can grub tough. It’s a commitment and skill that is only acquired through copious amounts of grubbing on straight fire. To join, one must eat enough to “make a dieting man cry.”
So don’t trip. Clearly, GTWL is the supreme economic theory, most stupendous way of life and the most satisfying philosophy. And in the wise words of Bruce: “In the end grubbing is the life we have chosen. Grubbing tough is the life we live.”
No matter how it ends, “I grub you,” “stay grubby,” etc., it always means on thing: that Grub Tough is the only way of life.
To see more “grubventures,” peep their blog at grubtough.blogspot.com. Have your eyes prepared to “feesch” on all the glory that is Grub Tough and have napkins ready to clean your overflowing drool. And in the words of the Fathers — “Peace.”